Chronic pain – therapies that help

I have coped with 15 years of pain. Of which 10 were of constant pain. As in all-the-time.

I am practically pain free now. I have learnt an awful lot during the past 15 years and I can help you find ways to heal faster, so you do not have to search for 15 years as well.

My previous post on this topic spoke about starting by searching your environment so as to make sure it works with you and not against you. Today I will talk about the therapies that help and how so. This should be able to help you in your own search for finding more comfort.

Orthopaedists – great at prescribing anti-inflammatories and muscle-relaxers and using doom words to explain your condition. Great at mending broken bones and anything requiring cutting and pasting. Great at offering an operation to a location in your skeleton without looking at the bigger picture. Works for traumatic injuries. Not good for chronic pain. Their MRI etc exams detect details but skip big pictures, e.g. ignore joint healthy movement, which is often where pain stems from. So always do include one of therapies below, specifically chiropractors or osteopath so, even if you just have a traumatic injuries.

Physiotherapists – love to solve everything with localised exercise. Great for recovering from traumatic injuries, like after an operation. Not for chronic pain.

Osteopaths – use gentle techniques to manipulate your bones and release your joints into a more comfortable position. They get you out of crises and into more comfort. I particularly like cranial-sacral technique. Works both for chronic pain as well as traumatic pain. With chronic pain, their results are usually not long-lasting because the structural issue is normally elsewhere (I will cover this in future posts). But they are the most help. 

They also help your body adjust to structural transition and structural improvement, like braces (see orthodontists below).

Very useful also for babies and children. Children and babies’ are more supple and can therefore be coached much better than adults’. Babies who get colic can really benefit from cranial-sacral treatment. It may also help babies and children grow into a better use of their bodies that can stay with them for life.

Chiropractors – the best at doing unaided diagnostic. Their tests are thorough and their answers are spot-on. Their treatments are effective on traumatic injuries. Not good for chronic pain, where their results last much less than osteopaths.

Accupuncture – great when there has been any trauma done to nerves. Pinching, tingling, etc.

Deep tissue massage / massage – helps when your muscles are tense beyond belief. If they are keeping you from getting to a better position and using your body better. Normally short-term again. Very useful if there is a lot of tension and stress in your life. Or if you just need some human touch. Important through structural transitions, like braces (see orthodontists section below).

Thai massage / acupressure – best leg-thigh-bump massage in the world. Got me out of my worst back crisis ever, where I couldn’t walk for a week. Awesome for sciatic. So is yoga btw. Helps lengthen your legs. You must keep coming back. But that’s ok.

Podiatrists – I do not usually recommend this. I wore special insoles, custom made and what not. I needed higher insoles every two months. I have recommended it once to a cousin in her 70s who had very painful bunions. That’s it! A friend uses one and swears by it. He uses it as a prop for a structural issue he is not attending to. He’s way too young for that.

Exercise – everybody preaches that. It’s so annoying! Great after traumatic injury, great for stress. But you didn’t get constant years and years of pain because you didn’t do sit-ups. Pilates is great! Yoga is more stretching than I need, being hiper-mobile, but useful for people who are very inflexible or people who do a lot of other exercuse that gives them stiff muscles. Running is a killer for most healthy skelettons so spare yourself. Swimming is great. It won’t cure you but the dynamic stretch sure helps.

Alexander technique – great for children and adoloscents. Should be taught at schools. It’s classes to teach you to use your body better. Great to have a few seasions. Learning to stand-up from a chair properly, or to use my body better while walking or lying down, and learning how to relax my muscles in a deeper way has thoroughly helped me in my day-to-day. Won’t cure structural problems. Not worth keeping classes up forever, I thought.

Reiki – I don’t know how it works but it helps. Scottish NHS recommends it for cancer patients so stop laughing 🙂 Helps you enter your mind and awaken your self-healing abilities, get your brain actively involved in dealing with your pain areas. Good for chronic pain but not so good for traumatic pain. Does not heal structural issues but helps you live with them.

Shamanic healers – like Reiki but way more powerful. Affects your emotional well-being as well.

Meditation – in times of stress, our brain has less space to look within and keep pain in check. Meditation gives it that space. It also helps you go within yourself to listen to what your body needs. And emotionally as well. Meditation has been scientifically proven to be helpful, like a very very old form of hypnosis. So free your mind and the rest will follow, Mr/Ms Sceptical. I have brought myself out of crises by meditating to this video.

Orthodontists / braces – can be a great help. Or your worst enemy.

Whatever your orthodontist is doing to you, make sure he follows the guideline of Symmetry! Make sure!

Do orthodontics to re-open the space of a tooth you lost and put an implant or bridge there. Or to give the shape of your upper and lower jaws a symmetrical curve that fits nicely vertically as well as horizontally. Do not bother with tooth prettification please – it will make your pain worse!

While using braces, make sure you help your body cope and adapt, with the help of osteopaths and massage. Without them, braces can do more harm than good to your body. Adults use their body a certain way for ions, braces interfere and can be like tying a mean naught on top of an already tied down system. Massage and osteopathy give your muscles and joints the suppleness to adapt. Meditation and reiki give your brain the space to monitor the changes you are making and to adapt your mental map of your body faster as the relative position of everything shifts a bit.

Dentists – the best of all for me so far. Topic for my next self-healing post. You may be thinking this is not for you. You are extremely likely to be wrong. And what wonder if you are, cos then you may have here a tool to affect your structural problems and to cure you like no other. So bare with me.

Important tip: if you love your current therapist but have not been improving in a while, try another and another and another. The human body is much too complex for one therapy to help you as much as possible on its own. Be patient. But never ever give up. You will find what you’re looking for, no matter what anyone says! Keep up the fight!

The personal nature of time

Time follows itself so inexorably. My father died in 1993. 22 years ago. How dare the world go on?

The world’s a big party and we are here only for a little time. The show must go on. But the truth of the matter is the show goes on and cares little or nothing about your woos.

And yet my world stopped. And stayed stopped for a really really long time. And then it moved again. Full of dare. And now I hold on to the memory of him as I hold on to a definition of myself, the best part of myself, that I do not want to ever loose.

Different times. For years I thought of living in the UK. To study. Years and years, that seemed to hold me captive. Then one day it happened and now I’m held captive here and any other reality seems elusive. Until it is all of a sudden all that exists.

I have loved. My men have hugged me dearly and told me they loved me and said it with all their hearts, starry eye-in-eye. And now they’re not here. Time has taken them. Time has reduced that feeling to a memory and my reality is void of the presence they once were. And yet when they were a presence they at a point felt not right, not warm enough right here on my toe, and I squandered it, rightly or wrongly, and now the time is gone, I don’t wake up to their SMSs or their hugs no more.

For years I lived in Edinburgh and thought one day I would have to live in London. It seemed like a distant reality. And now it’s all there is.

For a long time, I thought the highlight of my days would always be walking the dogs around the block with my husband after my coveted job. And I felt profoundly bored in my full of love harbour. Where is that now? The female dog sweetest thing ever has passed away and my ex-husband is now married to someone else and loves his children more than life itself and not even I feel like talking to him anymore.

Life has a way of reinventing itself. Of taking us from here and putting us somewhere completely different. Of stealing from us our nows to put us in our tomorrows. And if ever we are really really sad one day we wake up full of laughter again. As certain as winter returning. And rain.

Appreciate now. Don’t worry too much.

The geography of races and the ‘illogicity’ of racism

I am pale white with brown hair and dark brown eyes. I have suffered racism. In Denmark and in Angola. I live in London. The UK has a class system: there is the queen, the upper class and the rest of them. The rest of them is organised by race. With some mingling. But it is hard for certain races to penetrate certain positions in society. Regardless of merit.

The origin of races

Let us start North to South at Europe longitude. In the very top you get blue eyed pale skinned blond people, also known as Arians. At the very bottom, SubSaharan Africa, you get black people with very finely fizzy hair. Anywhere between North and South you get a continuous spectrum between those two colours: Brits are pale but with dark hair; Southern Europeans gradually add dark eyes; Northern Africans gradually add tanned skin tones; Southern Africans add the darker skins and fizzy hair. It’s a continuum, like someone was mixing blue and yellow to get all the different shades of green. Not so different from each other.

Now let’s go West to East along the North Hemisphere. On the West are still the Arians. On the Far East are Japanese like pale Asians, tipped brown eyes, round faces, straight back of skulls. In the middle you get Eastern Europeans and Russians: beautiful blue tipped eyes, round faces, straight back of skulls, hairs of any hue. Again, a gradual transition, a little more of this a little less of that.

Now the same along the South Hemisphere. We have spoken about Southern Africa. On the South East you get the Aborigenous people. From Africa via India to Australia you get darker skinned Asians, with hairs from frizzy to straight to differently frizzy again.

Truth of the matter is our looks are a consequence of our ancestral geography. A natural consequence of love stories between neighbouring villages. A gradual addition of a small proportion of the adjacent gene pool. Like the colours on a painting. Colours of one same painting. Van Gogh didn’t consider his skies more worthy than his earths, whatever colour on his canvas was equally honoured.

A friend of mine puts it beautifully: “We are all equals”.

PS – I did not forget America. Native Americans come originally from Asia, they crossed over during the Ice Age, when the two continents were connected at the top with ice. Native Americans looks, languages and even some foods are Asian. In fact, “tamal” is a celebrated native Mexican dish that has its own festival. Taiwan has a festival for a dish that looks and tastes just the very same (unfortunately I no longer know its name).

Evolutionary misconceptions about women

Evolution is an amazing concept. However, I am pretty sure most modern evolutionary scientists are men. And geeks. With next to zero clue of what women are about.I am hereby raising two flags on important misconceptions:

* there is no evolutionary reason for the female orgasm.

What???

Evolution is a game of probabilities. Generations succeed each other throughout millennia and if there is any reason for one random gene mutation to be even slightly more successful at making babies that remain healthy until child bearing years, that mutation eventually propagates to a large proportion of the population. Simple enough.

So, why would evolution reward women’s orgasms? Well, I would bet that a woman who has orgasms is likely to:

– enjoy sex more (dah),

– have sex more often,

– have sex on the days where she is fertile, not just on the days her partner insists,

– puts a bigger emphasis on mating with a highly biologically compatible male, which research has proven to be the basis of attraction: our sense of smell can identify sexual partners whose immune system most complements ours, therefore resulting in healthier babies…

… than a woman who does not.

What part of that isn’t clear to evolutionary scientists?!

* men are biologically programmed to be unfaithful. Whilst women…

Here the misconception is not of evolutionary scientist but of men in general. They say men are biologically programmed to spread their genes to as many fertile women as possible, which makes new women so difficult to resist. And this makes some sense.

But they should really complete that reasoning. Thing is, men have an endless supply of baby-making sperm. While women have only as many ovules as they are born with, one per month through their fertile years. Which means that, despite wanting trust-worthy men by their side to help raise their children, women get a huge evolutionary reward from sharing their very scarce ovules with men with whom they can produce healthier off-spring, i.e. whose immune system is most compatible to their own, i.e. whom she has a kick-ass attraction for on her fertile days.

So, for womanising men, before you use evolution as an excuse to justify not being able to resist cheating on your wife, sit and think that she has to try a hell of a lot harder than you to resist better smelling dudes than you on her fertile days. And if she manages to do it, puny little you can too. Enough silly excuses!

Faithfulness is overrated

I’m a woman. And I’m faithful. But I think faithfulness is overrated.

My grandmother would now be 100 years. My grandfather was a butcher. And was unfaithful. Those were the days back then. As a butcher he had tons of female clients with a lot of time in their hands and he was a handsome man. Grannie suffered horribly on account of this. When her husband passed away, my mother, who was then 14, fell ill with symptoms similar to his. It was the sadness. So her evil aunt called her to one side and told her all about her father’s imperfections. Mum was shocked. And turned into a woman having to reconcile the image of the unfaithful man with the loving father and husband that he had been. For her, the latter mattered more. She later had to make decisions about her own marriage. Dad was not an unfaithful man by tendency, but wouldn’t say no to a dish well set. He would now be, God, he would now be 85 and those were the times. Mum never minded too much. She didn’t applaud of course, she was sad for a while, but she went over things.

Of course, in this day and age, husband of mine who leaves my bed to see another woman and then returns to my bed is in trouble lest I find out. Personally, I find the behaviour promiscuous and I do not like promiscuosness in any of the genders. Things have to have class and respect and a heart. And womanisers for the sake of it deserve to be treated for the object they are.

But at times we must be sensible. When I was married, my husband went through long term unemployment. Then he found a great job in Mexico, which is on the other side of the Atlantic from me. I decided I couldn’t cut his chances to grow as a man. And I embraced the certainty that he would, sooner or later, despite any promises, at a point be unfaithful. I embraced that as part of my decision. I was never jealous. As long as he treated me and only me with all his love.

Thing is, we can’t want irreconcilable things. We must embrace the consequences of our own decisions with adulthood.

There are marriages out there with years and years without sex. And one of the partners, often the one denying the sex, has the nerve to be jealous! That is not love, that is possessiveness and pride and desire for power!

There are marriages out there that are an emotional desert. Where people are there for the sake of the children because from their spouse comes no more “enoughness”. And the spouses know it, if only they took the time to notice. Emotional deserts are created by two people and can be fixed by two people. With love and attention. But people let it drag and then wonder why all of a sudden their marriage is a triangle. Marriage is about looking after the needs of the other as well as ours. It is not about permanent complaining. It is not about not noticing our partner because we are too busy. Even if we are too busy trying to achieve the objectives we think are important for the family, like a career or minding the children. Minding your spouse is important for your family too. One day someone passes below his or her nose and then society points an angry finger at the unfaithful one. But how did he or she get to that? How many silences did he or she have to sleep with to feel so alone? Is that fair on anyone? We all just have one life and one life is all we have to be happy in!

I know, the complaining and the emotional deserts did not appear out of the blue, they came from a place of emotional pain that we can not get over. I remember looking at my husband, knowing he was saying he loved me, knowing he loved me, and still just seeing pain. The pain of 3 years of long distance marriage I no longer knew how to surmount. But, as a divorced woman myself, I can surely say, pain is a nasty little thing, if you don’t make an effort to get over it, it will steal everyone you love and, trust me when I say, it has nothing at all to give to you, it is there just to take.

So yes, do whatever mourning you need to for any sadness you have accumulated in your relationship, but then soon enough make an effort to make your relationship an enoughness or even an abundance for all involved. We all only have one life.

Chronic pain – check your environment first

Wrists, necks, lower or upper backs, our computer ridden jobs are filling us with unwanted new pesty guests. As a chronic pain sufferer for 15 years, and now pain-free at last!, I can give you some good tips on how to fix this.

First place to look is your every day habits. I do not believe in making yourself sit up straight, but you can create an environment where sitting up straight is natural.

Using your computer

I would have had to change careers ions ago if I hadn’t paid attention to this.

If you use a laptop, buy a screen. If your boss doesn’t want to get you a screen, say you’ll ask HR or H&S or the NHS. Your company can get into big trouble for ignoring your health needs. Not having a screen is probably the culprit for your neck and upper back pain. Level the top edge of the screen with your eyes. Use books under the screen if you have to.

If you find yourself leaning forwards to see the screen, bring the screen closer. Sounds obvious, eh? So why aren’t you doing it yet 🙂

Your forearms must rest on the table with ease. Change the height of your chair accordingly.

Now for the 90 degrees rule: your hip has to be in 90 degrees to your legs, your upper legs have to rest on the chair and be at 90 degrees to toe lower legs, your lower legs have to be at 90 degrees to your feet. Change the height of your chair until they are. If your feet aren’t touching the ground now, you should need to get a foot rest (or get your boss to get you one), it’s not that expensive and you’re worth it!

Now your chair. Two things to notice. Some seats are curved inwards, forcing your hip to be at an awkward position that hurts your lower back. You need a chair which seat is curved outwards or straight. This is vital! I was dislocating my L4 joint once a month until I discovered this! 

The second thing to notice is the chair’s back. Some modern chairs have a spring against your back so that they are always pushing you forwards. How stupid is that! Dump it!

An important addition to your life is a small of the back pillow. You wrap it around the back of your chair at hip height. It will do a world of difference keeping you using your body well at work.

Now for your mouse. My mouse has been responsible for shoulder pain, shoulder unlevelling, upper back pain, wrist pain, arm and finger pain, it’s a nasty bugger really. I’ve ditched mine and now just use my laptop’s, which seats directly in front of me and close to my body. In the past, I have used a vertical mouse which wonderful for my arm and fingers. It is important to check where you place it. Never ever ever beyond the keyboard! Keep it close to your body.

I do all these things and often get compliments about how elegant I look when working just cos I seat right. So no, it doesn’t look weird at all. More inportabtly, I manage to work for hours on end pain free!

Ah, go get water or tea or go to the loo once every 1.5 hours at least.

Driving

Now that’s tough. I do not drive a lot so my tips here may be inconplete. Happy to hear yours in the comments. I have a semi-automatic car and that helps. An automatic one would have been better. Most important top is keep your hands levelled with each other and close to your body, possible close to the lower part of the wheel. Never one hand on the gear or one on the window. Go for simmetry. 

Many car seats are nasty too, like bad office chairs. Get your own seat to put on it. Try it at the shop. Make sure it has support for the small of the back and let’s your hip get as far as it needs to go. May be useful to buy your car because of the seats, if you ask me.

Shoes

We all like pretty shoes, but I like myself lots more! Never ever wear completely flat shoes! Shoes must always be 1 cm higher in the back than the front if you must wear high-heals, make sure the heal is wide so that it is supportive. And please keep it to a minimum.

Bags and weight

Large one sided bags are a big no-no. Back packs that seat above your hip are great. But we end up packing them a lot. Lately I’ve been using a tiny side bag that I place in my front.

If I go to the supermarket, I take my backpack or my bike or one of those old lady’s wheeler. If I don’t, I put all the weight in one bag and I hug it in front of me. Never been looked at twice.

Sitting about

Great rest position is sitting cross legged. I never sit normal anymore. Nobody minds, trust me. Crouching is also a great rest position. Yoga teachers will tell you it allows putting your back/hip in neutral.

Getting up from a chair

One awesome trick this one! Before you get up, sit on the tip of the chair, put your bump back and your back straight, now get up diagonally to your bump. Your hip stays safe when you start walking. If your chair is too low, you can do this after getting up, just lean against any other surface. Trust me, it’s an awesome trick!

Getting up from bed

Inportant stuff. Any physio will tell you! Lie sideways, your your upper arm to push against the lower to get you up. That sit-up sort of way to get up is really bad for your lower back.
All this sounds like a lot. But once you incorporate it into your habits, it’s really easy to do. And you’ll feel so much better!

Child care in old persons home

In our Western societies, two groups of people are getting less love than they deserve, and it is precisely the most fragile pieces of the system: our elder and our children.

Both are professionally cared inside institutions where one professional looks over more people than he can possibly love. So both basically take care of themselves.

Let us bring them together. Have a child centre inside an old persons home. Attribute a child to an elder. Give them pair activities to do. Give an old person someone on whom to lavish their huge flows of love. Give a child someone to bring a smile out of. Both would no longer be love deprived! What a better way to let time go by?

Old people tend to die. And sometimes it might be a child’s partner. But this child would be able to understand the brevity of life in a very intuitive way. And the proximity of the heart. And that would make them a better human than you and I can think of. 

Imagine now an old person / child minding home where both your parents and children could go? Uauh.

I dream of this.

The disgusting handling of the EU debt crisis

  
Said the news today. Sure took them long enough!

In the recent European debt crisis the call for solution was quite the opposite: raise taxes, punish the people who were evil to go into default, lower their growth to negative, and whatever other utter economic nonsense professed by Merkel and buddies, as if she was handling her children in kindergarten and not full grown economies with millions of innocent people in them.

In economic school, we learn there are two ways to handle a crisis: cut taxes and increase expenditure (Keynes way, solved the Great Depression) or pour money into the economy (monetary way). That is why we have governments, to manage the first, and central banks, to manage the latter. Both stimulate the economy to produce more and with the excess production you can pay more stuff, including your debt.

Raising taxes doesn’t work because it takes away incentive to invest, extras to consume and generally lowers economic activity. What is worse, it doesn’t even guarantee more money into the government’s pockets, because taxes are often a percentage over the economy’s GDP and the increase of the percentage leads to a reduction in GDP, so the respective product stays the same or gets reduced. So the only change from an increase in taxes is that people get poorer and more miserable.

And Merkel, IMF, BCE and friends know this. They went to the same schools as anyone else!

The way to solve the crisis would have been: 1. to ensure that the government is lean and efficient by reducing corruption and closing dummy tentacles, 2. to remove legal obstacles to efficiency, like allowing unproductive people to be fired, no more jobs for life (topic for another post), 3. to do very specific investments in key points of the economic fabric, like the ship industry in Greece, 4. to organise economic fairs to get more commercial paths for Greek and Portuguese companies, 5. to improve IT systems to ensure a better ability to tax the whole economy and not just the few that can’t escape, etc etc etc etc.

That is btw how Portugal got out of the crisis. They managed because the government took step 2 and the economic fabric took step 4, opened unexploited commercial paths to everywhere, that allowed the country to grow its exports and display the largest economic surplus of its recent history. Not due to the Troika, but despite it!

So why didn’t Merkel and friends require any of it and instead demanded further economic depression? Because it was in their benefit. Germans have benefitted from a lower Euro, which allows them to export more, lower interest rates, as investors bought their cheap debt as a safe haven, etc etc etc. In the mean while, there were unemployed homeless people in Greece dying of cancer without medical care. But that was fair because they didn’t pay their debt?!!! And Germans still vote for Merkel?!!! I would be disgusted of having such a leader. And ashamed to be making my money this way.

How (and why) to communicate with your very elderly

Spending time with my Granny when she was 90-95, eventhough she had already had a cardio-vascular incident 10 years earlier, was so very rewarding that I travelled from Edinburgh to Rio every 4 months for 2 years, 10 days at a time, just to get exposed to some more of that.

Yet, I would witness family and friends not manage to communicate with her effectively anymore. Their “conversations” were more like monologues: “How are you today, Granny? (pause) It’s very hot, isn’t it? (pause)” and soon they’d switch to chatting to my Aunt instead. Such a wasted opportunity!

Granny was very old. Therefore she got more tired when doing the things you and I speed through. It took her longer to gather the strength and the words or even the thread of thought to answer questions. I suspect older people’s concept of time elongates, which may be why they always want to be ready very early :)! But once she started talking, boy… She told me about her first love, “he was so beautiful so beautiful it seemed to confuse our eyes so beautiful he was”, and about the first time she and GranPa made love – “I had not been told about what happens between a man and a woman, so when the he first hugged on our first night, I thought he was being disrespectful and pushed him so hard he fell on the chair that was on the other side of the room”! “Did he understand you GrandMa, was he patient?”, I asked. She nodded and blushed a little. Our conversations were filled with such jewels, my GrandPa’s last words, how she would have wanted to have been a travel journalist if she had been born now, how she raised 3 kids alone after he passed, eventhough she was far from her family and could not read nor write – she told my aunt “let’s get to work” and started sowing, how she felt about GrandPa’s infidelities, which explains how Mum feels about the topic and how I do too. GrandMa’s stories not only shed light on your family history and a time long gone, but also on who you are, as a reflection of the struggles your parents and grandparents went through. It shows the values your family stands for, which will inevitably help guide your future decisions.

Also important, talking to her you harmonise with her rythym, her elongated concept of time becomes your own, your heartbeat goes down and it is like meditation, so very peace-offering!, such an opportunity!

So yes, the trick to good communication with your elder is “give them time, wait for it, and listen”. For your enrichment. And for theirs. I was the only one who managed to converse with Granny like that. Only by waiting a little longer after asking the first question and by bringing my ear a little closer. Without good conversations, she felt so terribly lonely! People leave their elders so terribly lonely! I cannot understand that.

Big givers are selfish too

Yep you heard that right.We all know them, people who give too much. You smile and they thank you profusely. You cook them a meal, they offer you babies, everything is disproportional. 

People often call them angels, kind, sweet, big hearted, so giving, someone you can trust. They are selfish. I know, I used to be one of them. My brother is. My mother is. It’s a family curse. And it’s motivated not by kindness but by selfishness. Not bigger selfishness than anyone else’s, mind you. Normal selfishness. Disguised as kindness.

Their compulsion to give comes from a profound sense of inadequacy and low self-worth. They have probably felt unloved from a very very early age. And had to work hard to get their fair share of “thank you”. They give too much because they think just themselves, in all their beauty and grace, is not enough.

So when they give you so much, they are trying to get those “Thank you” they are so very thirsty for, from so deep within, that no matter how much love you give them, you can never clench.

And they are likely to claim their debt back if and when the balance of power changes in their favour. Sentences like “I did so much for them and they didn’t have the bigness of heart to even do this or that” come about.

When you are loved by a big giver, you start noticing the expectations creep out of everywhere. Behind little smiles. When they say “I am motivated by giving to you”, run!

If you are a big giver, like I was, there’s hope! No one will ever give you that peace of mind, that sense of self-worth like you require. This has to come from you yourself! Seriously, if you don’t love yourself, why would anyone else?, surely you know best on this particular point and people respectfully take your word for it. But there’s hope, like I said. Psycho-therapy, homeopathy, visualisation, chakra healing, meditation, reiki, prayer, peace, shamanic healing (the strongest!), work on it, become a better person that loves yourself. Then notice the room smile when you enter it and just rejoice.

For more tips, read How to be successful and flirting and love.