Big givers are selfish too

Yep you heard that right.We all know them, people who give too much. You smile and they thank you profusely. You cook them a meal, they offer you babies, everything is disproportional. 

People often call them angels, kind, sweet, big hearted, so giving, someone you can trust. They are selfish. I know, I used to be one of them. My brother is. My mother is. It’s a family curse. And it’s motivated not by kindness but by selfishness. Not bigger selfishness than anyone else’s, mind you. Normal selfishness. Disguised as kindness.

Their compulsion to give comes from a profound sense of inadequacy and low self-worth. They have probably felt unloved from a very very early age. And had to work hard to get their fair share of “thank you”. They give too much because they think just themselves, in all their beauty and grace, is not enough.

So when they give you so much, they are trying to get those “Thank you” they are so very thirsty for, from so deep within, that no matter how much love you give them, you can never clench.

And they are likely to claim their debt back if and when the balance of power changes in their favour. Sentences like “I did so much for them and they didn’t have the bigness of heart to even do this or that” come about.

When you are loved by a big giver, you start noticing the expectations creep out of everywhere. Behind little smiles. When they say “I am motivated by giving to you”, run!

If you are a big giver, like I was, there’s hope! No one will ever give you that peace of mind, that sense of self-worth like you require. This has to come from you yourself! Seriously, if you don’t love yourself, why would anyone else?, surely you know best on this particular point and people respectfully take your word for it. But there’s hope, like I said. Psycho-therapy, homeopathy, visualisation, chakra healing, meditation, reiki, prayer, peace, shamanic healing (the strongest!), work on it, become a better person that loves yourself. Then notice the room smile when you enter it and just rejoice.

For more tips, read How to be successful and flirting and love.

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