Family structures and Gender communication biases

By virtue of the mere chromosomes, some families are gender balanced, and others are mostly girls or mostly boys. And if that’s your case, you may well be screwed for life my friend. Especially if at unawares. I explain with an example.

Mum grew up in a mostly girls family. Her Dad died when she was 14, her 12 year old brother went to study in the neighbourhood boarding school (visiting every day and playing lots of football, so he loved it :). So Mum grew up among women, who communicate like women: many words, people who listen and process and answer back more words, all explicit. Dad was brought up in a man’s house: four brothers! His Mum was short but remarkably strong, capable of smacking her abusive sizeable brother out of his drunken torpours in no time! But in the house reigned a man’s communication style, full of silences and sparsity, probably inherited from the need for silent coordination that comes with hunting large mammals.

Basically, that marriage was doomed before it started. Dad expected Mum to be in peace with her place and share his given values. Which would have been fine had she not mistook his communication with terrible things and turned to repeating herself over tears of frustration for years and years. To me, Dad was so clear. Yet she didn’t get a word. And vice-versa. I’ve seen this around a lot in so many other couples!

I think that if we grow up in a gender balanced family, where both genders are not just well represented but also have balanced power, we are more likely to develop balanced communication skills, not just of how to speak but also how to listen! And we are more likely to understand the other gender not as a box of surprises but as people who have very similar needs to our own and similar means to search for satisfaction. And that is a huge head start in all walks of life, having intuition in understanding closer to 100% of humans rather than just about 50%!

If you haven’t had that luck however, please be aware of this and put extra effort at studying how the opposite gender behaves. Read up, have other gender friends, and keep no judgment about how you think they should be like, you are probably wrong, just enjoy how they are actually like.

Now go and read my next post 🙂

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