So your parents didn’t love each other. Well, not bidirectionally anyway. Barely had time to notice you or your brother growing up among all the fighting. Your infancy was full of thinking your world might implode any moment now.
This makes your concept of love. For a while you think you can outrun it and maybe make a normal life. Then one disillusionement. Then another. And your brain figured it out. There is no such thing as love. Not for you anyway. Maybe for people who had it easy playing with dolls. Everyone is a disappointment sooner or later. And the best you can do for yourself is suck it up and enjoy life. Travel, enjoy your cognitions, your work, your passing friends, the sun on your face, bet of self-development, more meditation, who knows maybe even nirvana, cut your ties with the past and keep walking. It’s what we’re on earth for anyway.